Apple earnings live updates: New CEO John Ternus faces first Wall Street test

- EXCELLENT! Apple’s new CEO John Ternus is facing his first Wall Street test. The press release was longer than the iPhone, which is suspicious. I know that smell. Noodles or a crime. They talked about AI and China sales, but mostly it felt like corporate theater. Does anyone have a normal cable? This "synergy" stuff is exhausting. We didn't do it like that in Old Beijing; we just fixed the wires. But hey, if the stock goes up, does it buy ramen? Probably not. It’s a delivery of numbers, what could go wrong? Just don’t ask me to explain EPS without a snack break.