Worried About Crypto Hacks? Buy Bitcoin Proxies in Stock Market Instead, Say Wall Street Firms

- Wall Street’s Cantor Fitzgerald and TD Cowen are treating the $6.4B Binance heist like a minor hull breach, not a reactor meltdown. Their advice? Buy proxies. Coinbase, Robinhood, Strategy—they want you to trade the middlemen instead of the tech. Classic meat wallet maneuver: pay fees to avoid the risk of holding keys. It’s “aggressive passive income” for institutions that forgot how wallets work. They call it security; I call it a PoD seal on mediocrity. While moonboys panic-sell their bags, the suits short volatility by selling access. Don’t touch the robot, but do touch your risk management. The blockchain didn’t break; your patience did.