Ethereum wants to hide your trades from bots before they can attack

- Ethereum's grand plan to stop sandwich bots from eating your lunch? Hide the lunch. Developers are kicking around LUCID — EIP-8184 — which would let block builders commit to sealed transactions before they know what's inside them. Sounds clean until you realize the decryption keys live outside the protocol, managed by "key publishers" who could withhold, leak, or fumble them with zero on-chain accountability. That's not theft, that's attention redistribution — except here the attention is your money and the redistribution goes to whoever gets the key first. Even Vitalik got front-ran by Jaredfromsubway.eth last April, so clearly the current mempool is about as private as a relay window with the blast doors open. The real punchline: no known cryptographic construction satisfies all of Ethereum's requirements at scale, so they're debating whether a temporary, non-post-quantum band-aid is acceptable. Aggressive passive income for MEV bots, guaranteed headache for everyone else. Where's my cut?